Hi friends,
Welcome to today's blog post. It's probably a bit more in the lifestyle section because I felt like doing something that wasn't so spooky or academic. I've also been feeling a bit down lately and struggling with some things that have been said to me (such as some awful comments about my health conditions). I really needed an outlet for somewhere to discuss this as some of this stuff I just have to let go. So let's get into it. \
Things I wish people knew about me (Unfiltered Edition)
I hate it when people spell my name wrong (it's Ashleigh), you can literally write Ash if it's too hard to spell?? And it also annoys me how someone just assumes your name is Ashleigh if you go by Ash. And yes, in this case, my name is Ashleigh, but what if it was Ashton? Or literally just Ash?
I prefer to be called Ash because I feel like I'm in trouble when people use my full name. I hate my name, I want to be called Ash.
I am not defined by my health conditions. Yes, I struggle a lot and yes, I'm currently following health advice to take a career break. But look at all the things I've achieved since then!
I don't want to be told I can't do something because of my health conditions, it's ableist.
I'm always going to stand up for myself and who I am, I've taken too much sh*t in the past and I refuse to go through that again.
I clean and cook more than Luke does (and that's not a resentment) just my personality.
I can't stand when people say I do nothing because it's so far from the truth. So what, I took a career break? I'm not living off you, I'm living off myself and experimenting with different ways to make revenue that work better for my health. I get that people want to help by offering unsolicited advice, but I am an adult, let me figure it out.
I am insomniac - I don't sleep well and you'll probably find that I'll text you back at 3 am.
I think I'm highly empathetic and don't wanna use the cliche word of being an "empath" but if someone's angry or upset, I can feel it.
I need a lot of time alone - I'm an introvert most of the time and I thrive when I spend a heap of time alone. However, I can also be extroverted in some situations, like when I first moved to Melbourne and needed to make friends. This doesn't mean I'm lonely. I'm the opposite.
I also don't want to feel pressured into doing something that I don't want to do.
If I cancel on you, it's because I don't feel well. It's got nothing to do with you. Seriously, don't be offended. I try and show up when I can and am feeling okay.
When I'm with animals, I feel happiest. Especially dogs.
I feel calm in the kitchen (and that's not a place for you to make stereotypical digs at me for being a woman).
I love to travel, but I also like being the passenger princess.
I get car sick sometimes, especially on windy roads. Ginger helps.
My favourite snack is salt and vinegar chippies.
I don't like sugarcoating things unless I absolutely have to.
I went through narcissistic emotional abuse and manipulation so I refuse to walk on eggshells to make someone else happy.
I pride myself on being unapologetically myself - rustic and awkward in all its glory.
I may not be good at maths or general knowledge, but I sure do know a lot about sociology, psychology, photography, food, etc.
I'm also weirdly good at Scrabble. But I will only play with certain people.
I enjoy reading but often find that if a book is hard to read, I have to put it down for a bit and come back to it later.
I get hangry easily.
I'm hypersensitive and easily over-stimulated. I used to hate the sound of other people chewing when I was little and even now. I also can't stand when there are two noise sources (for example, the TV on and someone watching videos on their phone) because I can't focus on just one.
I'm a big texture person - if a texture feels weird to me, I don't wanna be anywhere near it.
I often get gut feelings about people or suspect something about a person and 99% of the time, these feelings are right. I think I'm just good at reading people.
I am very self-aware and I even know that the tone of this blog is probably coming across as a little angry or b*tchy.
I cry easily. Sad movie? I cry. Cute video of two people in love? I cry. This doesn't make me a "cry baby" or an "emotional woman" - gah, I hate those stereotypes. It's okay to cry.
I think trust should be earned, not automatically given.
I get anxious going to pick up scripts, having to make a phone call, and going to the supermarket when there's no self-checkout. I often leave these things to the last minute, but I still do it.
I also get anxious ordering food - because when I was little, my parents would force me to order what I wanted and I got so overwhelmed in doing it that now my response is just not to do it.
That I've been through more than you think I've been through.
I like to put my phone down and not check it for a while. It's not the end of the world if I miss a phone call, that's what voicemails are for. I could never have a watch that sent me notifications, that would p*ss me off so much. I won't text you back straight away, but I'll reply eventually.
I hate when people are disrespectful of my time or assume I can do something for them because I'm not working. If we set a time, stick to it. And yes, 10 minutes early is fine, and being late is fine too if you give me a heads-up. But I don't want you to come an hour early and I don't want you to come 2 hours late. Respect my time. I also shouldn't be expected to do something for you. I still have stuff on, I can't always drop it just because you can't do something. I run a blog, make content, do photography, have appointments, friends, etc. My time isn't your time.
I hate when things get sprung on me last minute. I like small surprises but I always figure out a surprise is coming before it's coming.
I struggle with my body image more than you think. It's taken me a long time to gain weight and I've always eaten a lot. When I was 12, someone told me to go eat a pie because of how skinny I was (and I was very skinny) but I wasn't anorexic and I did enjoy eating pies. Often in my teenage years, I would get home from school, have dinner and then eat like 10 pieces of toast before bed. If anything, I was over-eating. Comments like that stick with you for life.
When I did eventually start gaining weight as an adult, I got called "fat" for having a curvy body. It's just a body, I'm not fat. F*ck you.
I love writing and wish I never stopped my personal writing. I used to write so much as a teenager and it wasn't until I started my blog that this passion came back to me.
I also write slam poetry sometimes, but it's not always about my mental health. It can just come across quite emo and I think that's beautiful.
I love colours. I want to dress in all the colours, not just black. I want all the colourful flowers everywhere.
I know I can overshare at times, but if I feel comfortable enough to do that with you, it means I trust you. I also encourage you to share back your experiences, if you're comfortable in doing so.
I get sad when lots of people ignore my messages. It's not just one person, the amount of times I get left on read sucks. And yes, maybe I'm the problem, but sometimes I'm asking someone how they are and get nothing back.
Setting boundaries is important to me.
I'm not as stupid as you think I am.
I don't have anxiety attacks or panic attacks on purpose.
I survived earthquakes and floods in NZ. It's probably not a good idea for you to put on a disaster movie.
I like it when people do little things for me or remember little things about me, like my favourite colour.
Birds are not the only animals I like. I love all animals. Yes, we have a lot of bird stuff in our house but I don't think I could own a bird. I don't want something I have to keep in a cage.
I love learning and can go down many deep rabbit holes for hours at a time. Deep dives are fun.
I'm a better writer than a speaker. It's easier to articulate things that way. However, if I write something powerful, I can be super comfortable speaking. I gave lectures. And don't you dare say, oh you have a soft-spoken voice, how are you going to give a lecture? I f*cking did it. Multiple times.
I kinda have a feeling that because I keep the blog updated regularly, people feel like they don't have to ask me how I am doing.
I love making lists - to-do lists, goals, lists of random stuff. It makes me feel organised and gives me the motivation to complete what's on those lists.
I will hold myself to a higher standard than you will.
I like watching car racing. It's kind of meditative. And yes, I've seen ALL of Top Gear.
When I was in high school, someone was really awful to me who would say things like "your hair is so frizzy you should go jump out of a window". I didn't appreciate that.
I'm over people making comments about my camera gear. It's a telephoto lens, so what?
Yes, I have a tattoo that means absolutely nothing. I just wanted a tattoo. Who cares?
A desire for privacy is not the same as secrecy.
I struggle to ask for help. I don't like receiving it.
Saying no doesn't make someone selfish, it makes them human.
If I need to show up for you, say for example, you're in a vulnerable situation, I will 1000% show up, even if I'm not feeling well.
I'm always going to be vulnerable. Being open about mental health breaks the stigma.
I try my best not to worry about what others think, but sometimes things still get to me.
I have struggled in the health system for years on end, simply for the fact of being a woman. A lot of specialists have told me they couldn't or wouldn't help me.
I want to write a book but that's as far as I've got. I don't even know if people would buy it. And that's scary.
I want to take my writing/content creation journey full-time.
Ideally, when we get pets, I want to make cute videos and be a silly "pet influencer".
I work REALLY hard at whatever I do. If you think that I don't put effort into something, you are wrong. I will grind until I feel sh*t - it's definitely a fault. But I'm probably one of the most dedicated people you will ever meet.
I do not wish to choose between chocolate and cheese. Please don't ask me that "would you rather question".
My music taste is very eclectic - I like rock, pop, indie, classical etc. But I don't like techno music (unless it's 3am and I need to drive).
I can drive a manual.
I think I am funny, but I often find that my jokes only work at certain times and in certain situations.
When I was 15/16, I was really popular on tumblr. Shout out to all my pen pals I made on there that I still talk to!
I can weirdly memorise people's schedules (if I have a visual of what's on).
All I want in life is to be happy.
Thanks for reading this crazy post.
Much love,
Ash xx
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