I am terrified of writing this blog post. Opening up about my mental health has had its pros and cons. Last year, I found a psychologist that I really connected with and felt safe with. I think there's honestly only been one time after an appointment where I've felt sh*t after talking to my psychologist and that was likely because we ran out of time and didn't get to cover everything I specifically needed that day.
With that being said, I just want to give a quick disclaimer here - I am NOT a mental health professional. I do have an undergrad degree in psychology but in no way am I qualified to help someone like a therapist does. The purpose of this blog post is to share the things I've learned in therapy so far for entertainment purposes. If you are struggling with mental health, I highly recommend speaking to a professional. Obviously, I'm always happy to listen as a friend, but I cannot do more than that.
Why am I scared to write this post? Well, often I've had my mental health used against me and I don't know who's going to come at me saying things like "What's wrong with you?" "Get over it, it's all in your head" and "Why you got mental problems?" etc. Those are only a few examples of things people have said to me. #mentalhealthmatters
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Things I've Learned in Therapy
To get started, my psychologist focuses on things like CBT and DBT. CBT = Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - therapy that focuses on changing thoughts and beliefs, like a cogitive change. DBT = Dialectical behaviour therapy - evidence-based therapy to help with interpersonal conflicts and changing patterns of behaviour. This means that most of the stuff covered in this post will reflect either CBT or DBT and they are not for everyone (they will work for some but not others). I cannot stress this enough, speak to a professional if you are struggling with any mental health issues.
Thought Diaries/Journals: This is probably my favourite thing I've learned so far in therapy because it's a specific way to reframe your thoughts. There are lots of different ways to complete a thought diary. The way I create a thought diary is as follows: 1. Write down a situation that occurred (usually negative or an event that elicited a negative response from you). 2. Write down all your thoughts at the time. 3. Write down how you felt. 4. Write down what you wanted to do. 5. Write down any alternative thoughts. So an example could be: 1. X was walking down the street, I waved at X and they didn't wave back at me. 2. Why did they not wave back at me? Did I do something to upset X? 3. I felt rejected, I felt sad. 4. I wanted to yell at X for not waving back. 5. Maybe X didn't see me, maybe X was wearing headphones, maybe X usually wears contacts and couldn't see me.
Breath Work: This is definitely something I struggle with but some examples that I've learned are box breathing which is where you breathe in and out while you create a box with your finger. Another one is holding a hand out and then breathing in as a finger goes up and then breathing out as a finger goes down. Breath work in this instance is designed to calm the whole nervous system.
Exposure Therapy: This type of therapy is creating a safe space for you to face your fears, rather than avoiding them. Exposure therapy is something that changes your belief in yourself and demonstrates that you can do the things you're afraid of. There are many different types and it's interesting. However, one may need to be careful because you don't want to make things worse than they already are.
Leaves on a Stream Meditation: This specific meditation is designed for when you're focusing on a lot of negative thoughts and you want to relax more (i.e., you don't want the thoughts to impact you as much). How it works: You visualise a stream of water and you are watching the leaves float by. When a thought pops in, you place that thought onto a leaf and watch it float down the stream and then you let go (let thoughts come and go so you're not controlling them). "Here" is one I like to use.
Techniques for stopping panic attacks: These have included putting your face in a bowl of cold water, holding an ice cube, taking a cold shower, doing a really intense exercise for 5 minutes, and even sucking on a sour lolly.
IBS is a gut-brain connection, there's a biological aspect but there's also a psychological aspect demonstrated by IBS flares being more likely when anxiety is high.
DEARMAN Technique for setting healthy boundaries: This one is really hard and I don't think I've grasped it fully yet. I get anxious and become a bit of a mess when I try to set boundaries but I am learning. I even tried to set a boundary with someone recently and they just gaslit me. It was f*cked. But that's not the point here. How it works is as follows: Describe - Describe the facts of the situation in a clear and coherent matter. Express - Use "I" statements to express how you feel e.g., I am uncomfortable when you do X. Assert - Ask for what you want or say no, firmly. Reinforce - Reward the other person if they respond well to you e.g., Thank them and say something like "I am more likely to do Y if you don't do X." Mindfulness - Not getting sidetracked by other issues e.g., I want to resolve this now. Appear Confident - Focus on your body language here, even if you don't feel confident inside. Negotiate - Know your limits but also be willing to compromise (kinda reinforce again).
Talking about your feelings and what you're going through is okay, being vulnerable is a valuable skill to have.
Having a different perspective (i.e., the therapists) is refreshing and shows you new ways to think about things, especially because they don't have the same biases as you.
Judgemental language isn't helpful in boundary setting.
You can't control the actions of others and often it's not your fault.
Thinking something (especially about yourself) doesn't make it true. And further to that, if someone thinks something about you, that doesn't make it true either.
Changing thoughts from "I'm stupid" into thoughts like "I'm human, I made a mistake".
Therapy is like a safe form of forced intimacy (in the talking sense, get your mind out of the gutter).
Laughing is good.
Always keep journalling.
You don't have to agree with your therapist - differing opinions are normal and that can be reflected in real life too.
How to regulate your own emotions.
You should talk to yourself how you would talk to your best friend (not always easy, but something to think about).
Focus on small wins when you're feeling down/depressed.
This one isn't specific from therapy but the spoons analogy/metaphor. Really good when you're struggling with your physical health too (i.e., spoons = how much physical or mental energy you have).
It's okay to say no.
So there you have it, a few things I've learned from therapy so far. I hope you enjoyed this post. It's probably one of the more heavier posts I've written.
Much love,
Ash x
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