Day 96 of "Figuring it Out" - Just some feels

Kia Ora everyone! Happy Tuesday.

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I don't know how long today's blog is going to be mainly because 1) I'm not having the best day both physically and mentally and my mind is a bit all over the place and 2) I accidentally cut my left hand with glass today so it makes it really hard to type (it's okay, I bandaged it up and the glass didn't get too deep, but the plasters make it weird to type). I'm usually a way faster typer - like I usually type faster than my brain works most days but not today, so we're going very slow here. I'm also not someone who can speak to type things because I mean my accent would not go down well with that sorta software hahaha. Anyway, Melbourne weather today has been cold and rainy, and then about 3pm, it started to clear up and we saw some sunshine.

I feel like I haven't achieved much today. I still haven't showered and it's after 5pm and that's definitely not like me, but I guess some days the depression and the physical health issues win. I feel like sometimes I put way too much pressure on myself because I'm scared other people will judge me, which has been kinda evident in the past few weeks. I am trying not to let things get to me, but I'm definitely finding it harder than normal. By the end of 2022, I think I'd almost reached the peak of not giving a shit about what anyone else thought, but now when health - both physical and mental issues arise, it's definitely a lot harder to put that aside.

This morning, I woke up kinda early but didn't feel like I had gotten any sleep last night. I slept for sure, but it felt like I hadn't slept and every time I sat up, my body just wanted to curl right up and back to sleep - like my body was pushing my down - kinda like before you're about to faint. And the whole day has just been me feeling like that and also not feeling good mentally. I've managed to catch up on some YouTube videos that I've started watching and hadn't finished, did a very small walk with Luke after lunch, and had a big rest in the afternoon. I'm starting to worry about how awful my health is and I'm trying not to because I don't want to make anything worse, but I guess sometimes that's a vicious cycle. I definitely feel s*t when I don't get as much done on my to-do list as I'd like to, but at the same time, I'm scared that if I don't let my body rest, I won't get to go out and enjoy myself. I hope that makes sense. I'm honestly terrified of what the response is going to be to today's blog, but that's something I've got to live with.

I think that's about all I've got in me today and I really need to go and have a shower now because I feel gross. But I hope you've all had a wonderful day and I'll see you tomorrow.

There's no QOD of the day today but it should be back tomorrow! It's time for me to go spend the rest of the evening on some self-care and whatnot.

Thank you for reading! Much love,

Ash xx