Day 50 of "Figuring it Out" - I made a digital downloadable print store + Slam Poetry

Kia Ora friends!

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Happy FRIYAY!

What have you been up to today?

Today, I have been working on setting up a digital print store where YOU can buy my digital prints! I'm so excited that I was able to figure this out today. It took me all afternoon. But YAY. If you want to check it out, the link is "here." I am going to add more of my artwork to it over time but I'm really proud of it, even though there are not many digital photos on there just yet. I really do hope you check it out and make a purchase, even if it's just for a desktop wallpaper or you think the artwork is good enough to buy (I do). Maybe I can write a book too and sell it on here (or maybe some guided meditations - we shall see how bored I get in this career break of mine rn) but the creativity seems to be blooming and I'm loving it (soz Maccas I stole your catch line - please send me free cheeseburgers) ;)

Anyway, this morning I woke up quite dizzy so stayed in bed a little longer than normal and then had a yummy breakfast and iced coffee. I then had a shower, did some research on my laptop for awhile, had some leftovers for lunch, and then went for a midday walk with Luke. We ran into one of his family friends who was walking a doggo and the doggo was so cute, she jumps up on you and licks you and just seems so happy to make new friends. It makes me really want a dog - maybe one day soon! I'd love a corgi and/or a rescue dog. Animals are so special. And for the rest of the afternoon I've really just been working on the blog and chatting to a few friends online (really riveting stuff, but again, super proud of the digital print store I've made), and tonight, I think Luke and I are going to make some food and get a few things we need for the house. I'm starting to get a bit peckish though so I might need to get a snack soon.

The weather today was super cold and overcast this morning but it's about 4pm now and it looks sunny outside. Melbourne weather is so weird. I think it's meant to warm up over the next few days (finally) and yes, sorry in advance if I do complain it's too hot. I've definitely started to climatise here though - but the weather is pretty similar to CHCH with Antarctic winds and whatnot.

I'm also feeling quite shaky and overwhelmed today too and I'm not sure whether it's excitement or worry (or both) but it's like 100 million things are going through my head at once and I don't know how to sort through them. I feel like I'm definitely an organised person most of the time, but can really struggle to organise my thoughts and focus on one task at a time. I don't know whether that's from an over-active brain, years of studying, or anxiety/OCD in general. Who knows! Anyway, I feel like if I wrote everything down that I was feeling right now, it would just come out as gibberish. It's also really weird because there's 100 million thoughts about random sh*t going through my mind and then randomly, my mind goes blank and I might lose my train of thought about what I was going to say/write down. I have no idea if this is normal or not, but I am going to take it as a sign that I need to meditate more. I definitely do so frequently but probably not enough to stay relaxed. Although Luke did say to me the other day that I did seem more relaxed in general (so that's good). It could also be a symptom of the iron deficiency too! I think I've spoken about brain fog a few times in the blog already so I'll leave that for now.

Today, I thought I'd share some SLAM poetry I wrote (so Trigger Warning Ahead). Also, let me know in the comments below whether you'd be interested in a poetry book or buying something I write in general.

Quake

11:40pm, the panic sets in,

My heart is racing,

I wake up to shaking,

Why does this feel like sleep paralysis?

Yet, I can move?

Is this PTSD, panic disorder, or anxiety?

Oh wait,

The house is shaking,

This all feels too surreal,

Am I dreaming?

But wait, it's a quake

It's an earthquake,

I'm not dreaming.

Shake!

Shake!

Shake!

Demons

I'm screaming inside

Losing all sense of pride

Why do I feel so behind?

Can we please just put that aside?

Darkness overtakes me, misery is here,

Why am I losing all sense of joy?

It feels like a demon has possessed me.

I'm fighting myself

Demons linger,

I can taste blood on my finder

Is this really me?

Again, I'm screaming inside.

Full Disclosure

Full Disclosure,

I don't want life to be over,

Can I find myself a four-leaf-clover?

How do I keep my composure?

I feel so mediocre!

Intrusive thoughts consume me,

My head is spinning,

Isn't life about winning?

I can't keep up, I can't keep score,

Can't I just let out a roar?

Scream!

I lost all my self-esteem,

Running on steam,

I've hit a beam,

Into the mainstream

Again, I scream

Full Disclosure,

I don't want life to be over,

Over and over, I become sober,

I just want to find myself a four-leaf-clover

There's 3 slam poems I wrote this year! I know they're pretty dark but I am proud of them and they're not necessarily how I feel on the inside, just me expressing art through poetry and writing. What do you think? It's also pretty scary putting your writing out in the world publicly but hey, confidence is key. They always say fake it till you make it.

I also used to write A LOT during high school and often really positive stuff as well and would post writings on Facebook and people would comment saying I'd inspire them or that I should write a book (I'm sure there was some negativity in there too but I definitely blocked it out). There was also talk of "socialites" which were like people from high school who had so many followers on Facebook and what not so I think that's kinda interesting how we've come full circle and I wrote my thesis on influencers (kinda).

Anyway, I think I need to stop writing for today as I defo need a break from the screen and I'm starting to get hangry! But for today's question, I want to know, what's the best concert you've even been to? Let me know in the comments. For me, it was defo the Queen tour with Adam Lambert at the start of 2020 (Pre Covid Shut Downs). I was so happy to be there. I'd defo go again too!

That's all folks!

Ka kite, enjoy your Friday and have a lovely weekend ahead.

Much love,

Ash xx