Kia Ora friends and fam! How are you going today? It's a bit of a weird weather day today in Melbourne with the sun coming out this morning but it still feels like a Winter's Day and then throughout the day, it turned overcast. I hope Summer arrives soon because I would like some sunshine. This morning, Luke and I got out for a walk, so that was good to get one in early today, and for most of the day, I have just been chilling. I started getting what I think was an ocular migraine last night (either from eating cake b/c IBS does weird stuff like that or from the lights at the restaurant we went to). I've managed to have a little nap this afternoon but now I feel quite groggy. The migraine started about 7:30 last night while I was out and then when we got home, I made Luke turn all the lights off and got a little bit of relief from that but I definitely did not sleep very well. I think I even had a dream that was like the show Squid Game and that's a scary show. I'm not even going to hyperlink it today because it still gives me the shivers.
Today, I'm also feeling pretty shitty about things. I know on the job front, that it was the right thing to do for my health, but it doesn't make it suck any less and I just feel guilty for resting, even when I have a migraine. Like I feel like I should be doing more and I hate feeling this way because it's not like I do nothing. I'm also lacking a lot of motivation and inspiration today and tried to force myself to be creative, but it just didn't come out and then I got into a negative spiral of feeling shit and I don't really feel like I can reach out to anyone because I'll just be disturbing them. I am also very grateful for Luke though - he is super supportive, with anything.
A few other things have been weighing me down this week too, a feeling of a lack of respect from certain people (who I know don't read this blog so hopefully no one is offended if I write my feelings out publicly) and if they do happen to read it, I don't think they'd resonate with it anyway. But I'm really feeling so disrespected by people who can't commit to a time or come at a time that they say they are going to - does it mean your time is better than my time? Because that's like saying we're not equals (well in my opinion anyway) and we should all strive for equality because that's what humanity deserves. I also feel disrespected by those people who speak super arrogantly towards me and make things about themselves or think that men are better than women. Fuck you and as I always used to say in my sex/gender lectures, fuck the binary system. You need to take a long hard look at yourself and do some self-reflection. I'm not always the best at sticking up for myself in those situations and I am working on doing it more. But, if you constantly talk down to others the way you do, especially women, it's going to backfire one day. I'm sorry if this comes across as really negative, but I just had to get it out somewhere. I'm also worried about posting this, because I'm scared it'll cause drama, but if you do happen to read this, maybe think about how you talk to other people or how it may come across. We should be lifting each other up, not bringing each other down. Stuff like this shouldn't affect me so much, but I can't help feeling things sometimes and just wanting to cry at how the world is. Like there is so much negativity going on right now, it's not fair and I wish I could change it. I guess writing this down has given me a bit more motivation? I didn't expect that, I thought writing it down might have made it worse. I also think I might have been hangry. I'm supposed to eat every 2 hours but I always forget to. Anyway, I tried to edit some photos today and make some canva designs but it just wasn't coming out and I have to remind myself that it's not possible to be super creative every day, and that you must take breaks away from it at times.
Also, Happy Halloween for those of you who celebrate. I've never celebrated it but I like eating lollies and seeing all the decor around - some of it looks pretty cool. Not as exciting as Christmas decor though - I guess that has more meaning and nostalgia for me. I do like creepy things though. I don't know why, I've just always been drawn to the creepier side of the world and as I write this, I am feeling de ja vu like I've already written it in a blog somewhere (that would not surprise me).
So because I don't know too much about Halloween (I'm sure someone has told me or I've looked it up before and just forgotten), I thought we'd go on a learning journey together and explore the History of Halloween.
According to History.com (2023), Halloween is celebrated annually on the 31st of October. It stemmed out of "Samhain" - a Celtic tradition (of Celts who occupied Ireland, the UK, and France) where people believe that the physical world and spiritual world are interconnected during the 31st of October and 1st of November. People would wear costumes and light fires to ward off ghosts/spirits. Then, Pope Gregory the 3rd made November 1st a time to honour all saints (thus, All Saints Day), and over time, incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain with the evening before being known as All Hallow's Eve and then, eventually, Halloween. Since then, Halloween has become (probably capitalist) associated with trick-or-treating, carving pumpkins, wearing costumes, and festivities. For a really cool deep dive into the anxiety history, "this article" is great. Below, I share some Halloween facts I came across today:
Trick-or-treating evolved from "souling" where poor people would go begging for food and money door to door and children would pray for the lost souls, hence the name "souling".
Candy corn was originally called chicken feed because it first appeared around the 1880s when there were a lot of farmers, the candies were made into agricultural shapes and now we think of it as corn-shaped.
Americans spend over $3 billion USD on candy (we think of it as lollies) annually. I don't think I'd have any teeth left at that point.
The Michael Myers mask in the movie Halloween was inspired by a mask that William Lee Shatner wore as Captain Kirk in Star Trek (they painted it white and turned it into the freaky mask we all think of today). Just reading about this makes me a little less scared of those movies now.
The first jack-o-lanterns were made from turnips
Spiders, black cats, and bats are symbols of Halloween because they have historical ties to Wiccans + are often thought to be associated with bad luck (I always thought that the bad luck was a contemporary spin on it) but I've only ever had one bad thing happen to me following crossing the path of a black cat and I'm glad it happened. Every other time I've seen these animals (maybe not spiders), I've felt happy. I like seeing the bats fly around Melbourne at night - it makes me feel at peace. Although, the first ever time I heard a bat, I legit thought it was a monster and I was terrified.
Some sources:
Anyway, that's all for today! For today's question, I want to know, would you visit a haunted house? Why/why not? I definitely would, although I have had the chance in the past and been too scared but maybe now that I'm older (and wiser ;) ) and I'm also interested in the paranormal much more as an adult I'd be more likely to.
Ka kite,
Much love,
Ash xx
P.S.: writing made me feel a lot better!
I guess I wouldn't go out of my way to do so, but if I happened upon one curiosity would probably get the better of me and I'd go in.