Day 36 of "Figuring it Out" - Friday Feels

Hello everybody! How are ya'll going today? It's a beautiful day in Melbourne today, the sun is shining, the air is warm, as my partner Luke said to me just before on lunch "it's the perfect day to go to the beach or sit outside in nature drinking a beer, or both". We're both on a WFH 9-5 shift today (although that's Luke's normal life haha).

This morning I woke up feeling a bit better than yesterday, the migraine has gone at least but it still feels like a little bit of a lingering headache but I'm managing a bit better today. Health is not linear and neither is life I have to keep telling myself. In my 1:1 with my manager today, we discussed potentially leaving earlier than what I gave notice for, but we're going to make a game plan on Monday because it's really not good to be struggling this much! Especially when I'm not able to put in 100% like I'd like to be able to.

For all of those who have messaged me about my health, I sincerely appreciate it, I do also appreciate the advice but I am following medical advice for now as I think that's the best way forward for me (after finally having a doctor do a thorough check). There has been lots of MLM advice re cleanses and things like that and it's just not the way to fix these current health issues. If it works for you, that's great, but it's not something that works for me! Anyway, health is definitely a priority for me at the moment and I hope a break soon really helps me get back on track because I bloody hate this.

Tonight Luke and I are going to make a trip to target and kmart, which I'm really looking forward to as there's a few things I need to get and it's always a fun time doing a trip like that because you always come home with the most random stuff. At times when we go to shopping malls in Melbourne during the day, I often get overwhelmed with how many people there are and how hot it gets inside (as in NZ, it's not very often that there's always a lot of people around) so hopefully going in the evening helps a little bit. Anxiety is dumb with how it works like that - sometimes you might have no issues but other times it's like "HEYAAAAA over here" let's suddenly make you afraid of every single stranger around and freeze mode activates lol.

I've also had two coffees today which I regret, I made one this morning at home and then Luke went over to the café to get me an iced long black and it's made me feel all a bit shaky and dizzy so maybe only one coffee a day for now! I usually only have 1 or 2 so maybe I just had them too close together or my body is just saying LOL no stop having caffeine it's bad for you.

Two of my really good friends back in CHCH are getting married today. So happy for them. I hope they have a wonderful day and get some amazing photos! Wow, today really has become a big stream of consciousness post too lol. But I think sometimes that's what we need to do, just get everything out, whether it's through writing, talking, or whatever it is, it's important to get our thoughts out.

Speaking of thoughts, I thought I'd share some of my experiences with meditation. It took me a really long time to be able to meditate properly and I still struggle at times. But I remember after a few sessions of just trying to do it myself (without a guided meditation), I had a strange out of body experience where I felt like I was floating on fluffy clouds in the sky. It was very relaxing. I have yet to be able to replicate this - and apparently that's really common for people who first start their meditation journey to have an out of body experience really early on and then not be able to replicate it for years. Anyway, after I kinda struggled to keep at it myself, I started doing guided meditations - just ones found on YouTube and experimenting with those a bit. I find I really like the astral projection ones. Some of my favourite channels are as follows:

• Lucid Power Mind - great for Lucid Dreaming, Astral Projection, longer guided meditations

• Michael Sealey - great for sleep meditations

• Jason Stephenson - again, great for sleep meditations and peacefulness

• Great Meditation - for shorter meditations and more general throughout the day meditations

Let me know in the comments below if you have tried any of these and what you thought! Meditation isn't always for everyone, but it definitely has helped me. Except when I'm in a really really bad mood, I tend to avoid doing a meditation as my brain comes up with some whacky shit.

For today's question, I want to know have you ever broken a bone? Let me know in the comments below. I haven't ever broken a bone (although technically, I have broken cartilage - when I was 12 I ran into a wall (yes you can laugh bc it's funny AF), and ended up getting stitches in my forehead but I also damaged the cartilage in my nose that I never got fixed. You can't really tell and I think it adds character - but if you want to see it, you'd have to see my face up close. I can get it fixed but it would be considered 'cosmetic' surgery so it wouldn't be like health insurance or medicare would cover it ahaha! And tbh it doesn't really bother me.

Anyway, I am still feeling pretty dizzy and am behind with my work tasks so I'll end it there today. I shall be back tomorrow with more daily life updates!

Ka kite,

See you later alligator,

Much love, Ash xx