Day 33 of "Figuring it Out" - I'm sleepy!

Kia Ora friends and fam. Happy Tuesday! How are you going today? Are you also enjoying Melbourne's weird-a** spring weather where it feels like it's actually still winter and then jumps to summer weather? I really have no idea but Melbourne is for sure a Four Seasons in One Day kinda place. I always thought that CHCH was a bit like that but I never experienced it the same way I do in Melbourne. For example, in CHCH it might be cold in the morning and by the evening it's super sunny. But in Melbourne, it could go from rainy and freezing to super hot in a matter of minutes if not seconds, and it could be like that all day. It makes it really hard to choose what to wear!

PIN IT

It's currently late afternoon this Tuesday and I'm completing some admin tasks at work but they're making me feel very sleepy and that I didn't sleep well last night, I woke up a few times for no reason but it really feels like I haven't been sleeping at all. I'm not having a good time with my health issues if you couldn't tell LOL. No one really tells you what you'll end up going through and it feels like no one else understands much tbh. I remember when I was first diagnosed with IBS and was required to take a lot of food out of my diet to figure out what my triggers were (and I'm still figuring things out) but because IBS isn't well researched and not common, people don't really understand why you might be "Gluten Free" at one stage of your life and why certain food might upset your stomach when your whole child-life, you were fine (OR so you thought, but your mum told you once that you used to complain of a sore stomach when you were little all the time - nice to know in my 20s, they finally figured out what was wrong with me). Ugh. Anyway, let's go into the history of my diagnosis shall we! I can't remember what the exact year was but maybe like 2016, I had a ruptured cyst (which felt like appendicitis at the time) and went into hospital that night and missed one of my exams. I was so shook I missed that exam. Anyway, I was sent home with an all clear and to go see my doctor. But one whole month later and then I was still getting stomach cramps and had no idea why. My doctor at the time was like well maybe there's something else going on - let's get some samples and find out. Cut to the samples showing that I had some sort of inflammation in my gut and I need a colonoscopy. I was not impressed.

The lovely surgeons told me that if it was clear, I had IBS and if they found something, I would most likely have Crohn's and be on medication forever. Luckily all they found was inflammation and I was diagnosed with IBS. I will never ever forget the laxatives that you have to take - it felt like drinking glue. Shudder. Anyway, I saw more specialists after this who offered so much conflicting advice. Some said to cut out everything and put it back in and others said don't cut out anything. I was feeling lost and confused. So I with the help of my GP at the time, I did my own research. I went Gluten Free for a very long time and slowly learned what my trigger foods were - apricots, too much dairy, sorbitol etc. etc. I now have a whole list on the notes app on my phone so I can always double check ingredients. And then I slowly added gluten back in to my diet to where I could handle it again (and they always do coeliac tests for me to double check). This took years honestly. I learned what exercises to do to manage my anxiety and even started guided meditation and taking magnesium supplements to help ease symptoms. People were always really confused about my diet (and I don't blame them) or would get annoyed at me if I had to use the bathroom too often or if I was okay one day and not the next, it became a problem for a lot of other people. And there's not enough research on IBS so it's not common knowledge but having to explain this over and over again to others, got really draining. I was really only trying to help myself. Anyway, cut to however many years later, I moved to Aus in Jan 2022 and my IBS and anxiety became a lot more manageable and I was doing well. I was able to do all the things I love - like go for long hikes and not get tired and then all of a sudden into late 2022, my health started to take a turn again. I got strep throat, started getting headaches again, nerve damage started and the fatigue started again. I complained to SOOOO many different doctors about fatigue but no one thought to check me for any deficiencies. I was just sent to more specialists being like nah you're IBS has nothing to do with this and then also being told "Oh you have IBS, that explains your symptoms". I even fainted a couple of times this year and STILL no doctor at the hospital checked my bloods, just told me "If you feel dizzy, lie down until you feel better" - I was so frustrated and then I started having issues with my current job of calling in sick too often and they were asking for more information about my health and then there was a lot of back and forth with a new doctor who filled out so many forms for me (thank you) but still nothing really changed and then my health just kept declining and finally they did one simple blood test to show how low my iron and B12 levels were and the doc was like oh yeah BTW people who have IBS can't absorb iron the same way as normal people so this is pretty common. I was so pissed off. Anyway, now I am having to deal with all these supplements and all these HORRIBLE IBS issues caused by the said supplements going from one extreme to the other (sorry if this is gross, just gotta get it out) and feeling way worse than I was and then if in 3 months, the iron still hasn't absorbed I am gonna be so mad. But that's enough ranting about my health. The point was that a lot of people don't understand because they don't see what happens to me (it's pretty invisible) unless you live with me or see me all the time. I don't look sick, I just feel awful and I guess because I don't look sick, people just assume I'm lying (and I'm definitely not, this is all really happening to me). And for those people who think that or just think that I'm not actually going through any of this, you guys suck. I've been struggling with my health for so long and when people do this kinda sh*t to me, you make me feel worse for things out of my control. I've been trying to manage everything for so long and have put in so much work into managing my IBS symptoms. Grr. Okie okie rant over for realsies this time.

But that's a bit of a deep dive into the struggles I've gone to over the last 7-8 years with my health and now having everything resurface is not fun. Let's hope this break let's me rest and recover and really find where I'm meant to be next. The creativity streak shall begin!

Tonight Luke has cricket training so I'm in charge of dinner. I'm going to do oven-baked chicken tenderloins and veges. Last night we had beef stir fry (we've upped the red meat lately to help with iron levels increasing although I'm not much of a fan of red meat because it tends to hurt my stomach but I definitely need it right now). Then we'll watch some TV and have a relaxing evening. Last night we watched "The Masked Singer" and "HYBPA". The Masked Singer is such a weird show. Like how did someone come up with that? I really have no idea. Anyway, it's fun to try and guess who the celebrities are. It shows my lack of knowledge of celebrities. Although I think Luke would argue otherwise, mainly that I'd be good at pop culture based trivia (he's good at every single trivia though - idk how he does it). That reminds me, we still need to get ourselves a Trivial Pursuit. I think last time we tried, it was being reprinted or something. But I feel like he would smash me in Trivial Pursuit. I really like the game I just need clues to help my brain association.

Anyway, I think today's blog has been long enough so I'll end it there. But for today's question, I want to know, if you wrote a book about your life, what would you call it? Let me know in the comments below.

For me, it'd probably just be 'asheycakes' or something basic like 'Ash's/Ashy's Life' and I'd try and make it as funny as possible. I always worry that people don't think I'm funny but then others laugh at my well timed jokes and then I get a kick thinking I am funny. Am I funny? Who knows.

See ya!

Much love,

Ash xx